Codependency Links for 10-26-2009

(Side note–today is my 69th birthday. What a wonderful life God has given me.)

Codependency/PTSD/relationships is my new research study. Although I thought I have been applying what I have learned about codependency, imagine my surprise and pain when my active drinking alcoholic husband left me June 12th and I had to admit that I had recreated my childhood home. And I was the good, perfect wife. Right!!

So I took a another 5th step last week, freed myself of the bondage of guilt and shame finally (after 32+ years of sobriety). Never too late to have a happy childhood.

I am listing some of the codependency links I’ve found. I like to include a sample from the links I share so that the reader can get a feel for the material.

allaboutcouseling.com has a great section about codependency and answers the following questions:

1. What is codependency? What’s the definition?
2. How do I know if I’m codependent?
3. Isn’t everyone codependent?
4. Why do we become codependent? What causes it?
5. Melody Beattie writes that codependency is unique in that recovery can be fun and liberating. What does she mean?
6. How can counseling help?

Codependents Have a ‘Brain Think” Going On, Too

“Just as there is a series of chemical reactions taking place in the brain of an alcoholic or abusive drinker, so too is there a compulsive-like process occurring in the codependent’s brain. Instead of that process involving dopamine and the pleasure/reward communications networks (as in the alcoholic’s brain’s Limbic System), the codependent’s brain taps into adrenaline (among other hormones and neurotransmitters) and the fight-or-flight communications networks (which also originate in the brain’s Limbic System).”

How to Speak Codependent from A Room of Mama’s Own includes this:

“The Codependent language is one with which many of you are already familiar. While there are numerous variations and dialects, the lyrical nuances of Codependent itself are preferred by many in the Codependent tribe. Derived from the ancient Passive-Aggressive, it contains elements of Veiled Criticism, Judgmental Subtext, Implied Requests and Ritualistic Inducement of Guilt, and is spoken by millions of Codies every day.”

Finally, a how-to from wikiHow: How to Deal With an Extremely Codependent Family

“Understand signs of codependency. There are many signs and most of them are related to boundaries. Like boundaries with personal “physical” space (ie. standing too close to someone in an elevator) people in codependent relationships interfere with others by invading emotional space. When you realize you feel uncomfortable when asked for help, a person close to you is always needing help and you are the main provider for comfort or any other support, or feeling pulled in many directions by the people closest to you.”

 

Codependency

I was what was termed a “high-bottom” drunk because I suffered no rejection because of my alcohol use. In fact, when I quit, most of the drinkers I knew said that I couldn’t be an alcoholic because they drank more than I did. I always related in meetings that you don’t have to get hit by the train to hear the whistle blowing. That statement shut up my loudest critics. I can’t say that I was deeply loved for it though.

But I was fortunate to have a father who had progressed farther in his drinking career and I realized I was going in the same direction. He and I became best friends later after he quit drinking also. How beautiful it was for Dad, Mom and me to be in recovery together. I only say was because they are waiting for me in Heaven. I know they are still here with me also.

Codependents are a trip though. Mom was forever calling me up to say now this isn’t being codependent, is it? I would just laugh because I loved her so and tell her that she wouldn’t be calling me if she didn’t know that whatever she had done was being codependent.

I believe codependents (which I believe means all of us at one time or another) have the hardest recovery because the world rewards them for their behavior. Anyone who smells of alcohol, slurs their words and wants to fight the lamppost doesn’t get rewarded.